Thought I would share this entry from my diary from 14 years ago. I was 17 when I wrote this. I find this ever so amusing now… “I don’t want to be a boring teacher anymore” – there was a brief period of my adolescence where I thought I wanted to be a speech teacher (Mostly because that was my favorite class and Mrs. Malinak was amazing. Still is). Now I’m nearly 31, in a committed relationship with a teacher, and just re-applied for grad school in the hopes of becoming a school social worker. 🙂
There was also a period where I really wanted to go into the military. My father, his brothers, and my grandfathers had all been in the military. At the time, I was really close to my father and I wanted to make him proud of me. Had I gone in, I would have been the first female in my family to join. This period of my life was also filled with a lot of self-loathing and internalized misogyny that had been handed down to me from my father. I felt like I needed to shun anything about me that was “too girly” to be worthwhile or to gain my father’s approval.
Later that year I did follow through with these goals. That summer I made the phone calls to different instructors and started studying Tae Kwon Do and Aikido. I started trying to eat healthier – this was more of a phase 1 in that I stopped sitting on the couch eating bags of doritos. started exercising by way of martial arts, and stopped eating so many doritos. Because I wanted to impress/ not embarrass myself in front of a boy (the TKD instructor’s son), I added some new foods to the list of things I would eat. I still have no idea what is in an eggroll and I’m perfectly happy NOT knowing.
These are still basic goals that I have for myself, trying to improve myself. I’ve been doing pretty good in trying to eat healthier and lose weight – I’m at 139.8 lbs today. I’m not taking lessons anymore, but I’m still exploring new interests and learning new skills.