Throw Back Thursday

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Having fun the night before my friend, Julia, got married. Nov. 19, 2010

Welcome to Day 5 of my write-a-post-everyday-for-a-month challenge. I’ve actually been writing blogs for over a decade across multiple platforms. I used to write when I was younger as a coping mechanism to deal with stress. I still tend to do this – I have unsent letters I’ve written to people and my Facebook timeline is mundane reports of my day to day activities sprinkled with emotional rants that I almost immediately regret posting but feel compelled to in the moment (sorry, privacy restrictions require you to be my friend first, or some kind of hacker, or the government). It was much easier for me to write something every single day when all of my posts were personal – this was also when blogging was a regular form of socialization, before I bored people to death with smaller blurbs about my day on Facebook.

When I first started this blog in 2010, I had hopes to make it more professional. If you go back and re-read some of the earlier posts, you can see that I would write these researched pieces with links to sources that, at least to me, scream how fresh I was from college. I think, at the time, I had grandiose ideas about being a professional artist, thanks to the now defunct 3rd Thursday Art Shows that I was in love with. I was working at a thrift store where I became very conscious of the amount of textile waste we create, and I had much more free time to sew and create than what I do now. 2010 was a wonderful, transitional year for me for many reasons:

  • The early part of the year had me re-analyzing a 6-year relationship that I eventually chose to leave.
  • I was involved in a rather crappy dinner theatre bit that paid me and created some wonderful memories.
  • Being newly single, I had a lot of fun casually dating quite a few awesome guys – All of them remembered with fondness. Thank you for the memories and the stories I can still tell when I’m old.
  • I went to 3 different weddings – The first served as a catalyst for ending my last relationship, the second officially added an awesome person into my family, and the third introduced me to the man who would become my current boyfriend.
  • I was 25 and I really felt like I could do anything and that I had my entire life ahead of me.
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Taken from the skydeck of the Sears Tower in Chicago, Illinois by a friend. This particular trip to Chicago carries a lot of special memories that I look back on fondly. November 6, 2010.

So many things have changed over the course of the last 5 years. I have changed and grown as a person. My life is different, my priorities are different. But, overall, 2015 doesn’t feel like it has been that great of a year for me. It’s mostly been a lot of pain and deep-felt heartache. There were plenty of positive things as well. I hope that, in another 5 years time, I will be able to look back on this past year and remember these positives more clearly than I can right now.

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Come What May

So, welcome to 2014. New year, new chances to lie to myself about blogging more regularly and finishing unfinished projects. This will not be a polished entry, this may even get personal. Maybe. Right now I’m just typing words as they escape my brain between shoving unhealthy snacks in my face.

I’ve got my laptop next to me, with my camera, my sewing machine is out, and I have bits of fabric on the table. What follows is an insight into my creative and thought processes, raw, unedited – chaotic and probably going nowhere. But why am I still typing crap? Here – look at some pictures.

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This is some sexy lingerie I bought several years ago. I only wore them once. They don’t even fit me anymore. I’m going to chop them up. Why not?

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Chop CHOP! Choppy Chop! Lace is pretty.

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Oh, remember these? Yeah, I’m still not sure what to do with them, but, they’re sitting in a pile on the table.

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This looks kind of neat.

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CRAP! I need pink thread! The stores are closed! All I have is embroidery and hand quilting thread! Grrr…

Do I want to just sew it with a contrasting thread color? Or use embroidery thread? I don’t want to wait until morning. I’m pushing through, making do, not putting it off. Embroidery thread it is. Such is life. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be messy, it can be chaotic, and it will be ok. It will. I promise. Screw the fairy tales and the picture perfect notions of what should be. The harder you push it, the less idyllic/idealistic it will be. Ideallic. Is that a word? Screw it. It is now. #Ideallic. Go trend that crap.

Idyllic -1:  pleasing or picturesque in natural simplicity; 2:  of, relating to, or being an idyll

Idealistic – 1: of or relating to the philosophical doctrine of the reality of ideas; 2: of high moral or intellectual value; elevated in nature or style; “an exalted ideal”; “argue in terms of high-flown ideals”- Oliver Franks; “a noble and lofty concept”; “a grand purpose”

Yeah, neither of those quite do it for me quite the way it feels in my mind standing by themselves. Oh, so, here’s a thing I’ve been working on off and on that I don’t think I’ve posted about:

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I got the pattern from Urban Threads. It’s going to take me eons. Ok. I’m getting kind of sleepy. I think I’m going to post this and come back to this in the morning. Maybe I’ll get a stock of posts done to schedule over the next few weeks. Maybe I can be more regular. Maybe I can convince myself that I don’t actually NEED to have a point or well-formed idea. Maybe I can stop avoiding the blog and the facebook page when I haven’t finished any of my many unfinished projects. Maybe.