Frustration

This post marks day 25 of my 30 day challenge. Admittedly, I will be happy when it is over. It is sometimes difficult to make the time to write and I often feel bad when I don’t have the time to write about something in depth. I’m committed to press forward, though, and I’m certainly taking something away from this endeavor.

The time as I write this is 6:24pm. I’m beginning to get sleepy and desperately want to nap before I go into work tonight. But I know I need to post something before I allow myself to drift into blissful slumber. I meant to write something earlier. I also meant to go to the gym today.

I got off work this morning, made my way out to tend to my cat-sitting duties in the snow, and then carefully drove home on streets that had barely been plowed. I intended to get my gym clothes and go in during the morning, but fell asleep. Because I would prefer to sleep days so as to be awake when my boyfriend is home, I went with it. But I only slept for 3 hours (which is why I am tired again).  I checked my email, gathered my belongings, and set out to get things accomplished that needed accomplishing…

My first stop already laid out the tone for the day. I needed to reimburse someone and went to their bank to deposit cash into their account. I had tried this yesterday, pulling $33 out of my own bank to deposit into theirs, but was denied because I did not have this person’s account number. So, I put the cash in my coat pocket. When I went to the bank today (with the account number this time), I reached into my pocket to discover the cash was no longer there. I needed to go back to my own bank to pull out yet another 33 dollars. I still have not found the lost cash. 😦

I’m also anxious and nervous because, despite having all of my other items for grad school turned in by this past Friday’s deadline, I still have one of my required recommendation letters that has not been sent in. I am worried that I will be denied again for not having this 3rd letter. I feel anxiety over whether or not to try contacting this person again – what is the proper number of emails I can send with no response before I am seen as a bother? Should I ask others to write a letter for me on this short notice? If I do, I worry that not having been asked initially will be perceived as an insult and that I would be imposing undue work on them. What do I do? 😦

Right now, I’m going to go to sleep.

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Pinnacle, Dolls, and the Consumerist Undertow

Earlier this week, I purchased Pinnacle Studio 18 Ultimate. One of my goals for this year is to start making Youtube videos. Whether this happens remains to be seen, but it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile.

As I am delving into this, it is hard not to feel a little overwhelmed. There is so much that this software is capable of doing that there are hours of training tutorials. As I mentioned yesterday, I took video of my little cousin’s birthday that I had hoped to do a basic edit on and post highlights from. This is easier said then done as I am still trying to learn how to use this program.

It is hard work-buy-consume-dienot to wonder if I should buy a desktop for large file projects like video editing. My only computer is this laptop which is a few years old and already has roughly 70-75% of it’s storage space full. Running this program seems to go very slowly and I do not yet know if this is normal or if it is because of my computer. This can be a potentially very expensive  hobby (somewhat disheartening to now be seeing the software being sold online for half the price I paid for it at Best Buy – on sale)to get into and I want to refrain from going out and spending money without doing proper research first. I can safely say that between video equipment and dolls, I’m going to need very strong will-power to continue trying to save money instead of spend it. Ebay

Resisting the urge not to get sucked in feels like an uphill battle. My self from 3 years ago would be shaking her head and scolding the way me from today spends money (which me from 3 years ago also had less of). It started innocently enough – Once I started working at my current job and could afford it, I invested in a new car for myself (after having driven a 20+ year old rust bucket with hit and miss reliability for 8 years). This seemed a reasonable purchase and still feels like a good decision 2.5 years later. Then I moved into a house where I started cooking less and eating takeout more (small, shared kitchen space, spending less time at home, etc). Then after I got my Lammily doll and came down with doll fever, I’ve been spending increasingly more money on doll related stuff – ebay will be the death of me, I have a “watching” list a mile long. At some point, early last year, I started allowing myself to spend this money “because I deserved it”. The fact that 2015 was a particularly stressful year for me personally did not help, as these purchases also acted as a sort of retail therapy – a momentary burst of happy feeling to counter an ocean of despair. Despite knowing better, I did this anyway. Because it was easy and because I could.

spending

A screenshot from my Mint.com account comparing spending in 2014 and 2015 for “shopping”. The amounts aren’t as important as the striking difference in spending habit.