Still Alive!

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Thought I’d pop on here and write another check-in sort of post as I have been MIA for some months (Yay Grad School!). My blog, my Youtube channel, my Twitter, and my Facebook page all seem to have gone dark recently while I’ve been scrambling to stay afloat this semester. I’ve still been posting to my personal Facebook, though – and I had started to write another post there when it occurred to me that perhaps I can just start posting some of those things here instead. Sound good? Ok!

List of Things I Want to Eventually Do (But Currently Don’t Have Time For):

  1. Make more doll clothes – I have all of these ideas in my head of epic outfits I want to make! So much 1/6 scale Cosplay in my mind!
  2. Learn Turkish – Ok, so I actually started learning some Turkish last summer via Skype lessons with Mehmet Seyhan (I encourage you to check out his Youtube channel. He teaches both Turkish and Japanese). Unfortunately, I was unable to stick with the Skype lessons because of the demands of grad school and have lost part of what I did learn…
  3. Learn how to play the spoons – Have you ever heard anyone play the spoons? This is just cool.
  4. Get back into fiddle – I actually started playing the fiddle 11 years ago, inspired by the fiddler for a local Celtic band I was enthralled with in undergrad. I wasn’t the greatest at it, but one can only get better with practice. I haven’t touched it in years.
  5. Learn Irish – I’ve been enthralled with Gaeilge since I was in 7th grade. However, I never had many resources for learning it until recent years and no one to really practice with.
  6. Learn Irish Dancing – Another thing I’ve wanted to do since I was a child. But I lived in a small midwestern town where there weren’t many outlets for it and the couple there were, I wasn’t even aware of until I was in undergrad. And now I am much too old for any of the schools I have access to.
  7. Return to Aikido – I started studying Aikido when I was 17. (This is where the “aiki” in my Twitter handle aikifox85 and bookstore AikiFox Books comes from) I was passionate and very involved for a number of years. And then I moved to Champaign 11 years ago when I transferred from community college to the University of Illinois in undergrad and no longer had the time and money to continue. Or rather, I prioritized other things.
  8. Learn Hindi – I know a handful of words and a few sentences that I’ve picked up from movies and from Indian friends over the years. I started trying to teach myself around the same time I started this blog, actually. As is a common theme for me, I got distracted with other things. I still have the books, though.
  9. Make a quilt for myself – I made that Batman quilt for my brother some years ago, which he still has and sleeps with regularly, but have not made another quilt since. And I never *did* manage to go anywhere with the Nataraja quilt idea I had…
  10. Travel – So many places I want to visit! I want to go to India, Turkey, and Ireland most. I want to see Canada, especially Nova Scotia. I want to visit places here in the US as well that I have never seen. Fun Fact: Prior to meeting my boyfriend, I had actually started the paperwork to join the Peace Corps. For better or worse, I chose to stay and invest my time and energy into exploring and then building that relationship. I still feel that pull to venture outward, though.

There are so many wonderful and exciting things in this life, so much to do, to see, to learn – more than can be experienced in a single lifetime. And this is leaving aside the fact that in many cases time and/ or money are luxuries people do not have. And now, back to homework – in the hopes that someday I will have the time and the money in which to do all of these things.

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March 1, 2002

Thought I would share this entry from my diary from 14 years ago. I was 17 when I wrote this. I find this ever so amusing now… “I don’t want to be a boring teacher anymore” – there was a brief period of my adolescence where I thought I wanted to be a speech teacher (Mostly because that was my favorite class and Mrs. Malinak was amazing. Still is). Now I’m nearly 31, in a committed relationship with a teacher, and just re-applied for grad school in the hopes of becoming a school social worker. 🙂

There was also a period where I really wanted to go into the military. My father, his brothers, and my grandfathers had all been in the military. At the time, I was really close to my father and I wanted to make him proud of me. Had I gone in, I would have been the first female in my family to join. This period of my life was also filled with a lot of self-loathing and internalized misogyny that had been handed down to me from my father. I felt like I needed to shun anything about me that was “too girly” to be worthwhile or to gain my father’s approval.

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Later that year I did follow through with these goals. That summer I made the phone calls to different instructors and started studying Tae Kwon Do and Aikido. I started trying to eat healthier – this was more of a phase 1 in that I stopped sitting on the couch eating bags of doritos. started exercising by way of martial arts, and stopped eating so many doritos. Because I wanted to impress/ not embarrass myself in front of a boy (the TKD instructor’s son), I added some new foods to the list of things I would eat. I still have no idea what is in an eggroll and I’m perfectly happy NOT knowing.

These are still basic goals that I have for myself, trying to improve myself. I’ve been doing pretty good in trying to eat healthier and lose weight – I’m at 139.8 lbs today. I’m not taking lessons anymore, but I’m still exploring new interests and learning new skills.

I Need…

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Get off work. Come home. Return my mother’s phone call. Call my grandmother. Go grocery shopping. Change light bulbs. Break down recycling and bag up trash. Write a blog for today.

I need to run out to the library and pick up the DVD I have on hold that I don’t have time to watch. I need to take a shower. I need to take out the trash and fold the laundry. I need to finish tweaking this personal statement and send it my application. I need to SLEEP so I can be well rested to go back to work tonight. I need to get around to making this doll furniture and these doll clothes. I need to edit this video of Ava’s birthday. I need to create a data chart on my diet. I need to still wake up early enough this evening to spend time with the boyfriend that I’ve barely spent time with since last week.

I need a TARDIS. I need Wheezy Waiter to make me some clones. I need more hours in the day and the ability to operate on 2 hours of sleep like a teenager.

I’d Rather Be…

Part of me is already regretting my self-challenge to write a new blog post every day. Today it feels like a chore and I don’t really want to take the time to develop anything worthwhile. BUT, I’m only a few days in and I’m not letting myself shy away from this.

So, some things I’d actually rather be doing at the moment:

  • Binge watching more Mindy Project. I’m in the middle of season 2 on Hulu and I’m absolutely enthralled. And Chris Messina (Danny Castellano) is just… omg. That character is making me act like a 12 year old girl squeeing all over the place.
  • Snuggling with my boyfriend. Enough said.
  • Making doll clothes – I have so many more dolls now than I had when I last wrote about my dolls and I actually cannot wait to introduce you to them all.
  • Going for a walk
  • Eating a pizza I cannot have because diet. (But I’m 143.6 lbs this evening! Down from 150 at the start of this.)

There you go. Sometimes I don’t blog because I just don’t feel like it. And then I blame being busy – which I am, but this isn’t always what I want to do with the segments of free time I manage to get.